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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27232045">moonlight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuckshine/pseuds/hyuckshine'>hyuckshine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Eczema, Hwang Hyunjin Needs a Hug, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, References to Depression, References to Dermatilliomania, Self-Esteem Issues, the other members are mentioned but they dont show up</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:42:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,024</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27232045</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuckshine/pseuds/hyuckshine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>there were good days and bad days, but the bad days always took longer to recover from. no one thought it would affect him like this, but people only take it at face value. they only ever look skin deep.</p><p>hyunjin has eczema</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>moonlight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi this is a vent fic lol yeah warning there's quite intense descriptions of blood and skin picking so id avoid this fic if that would upset you. if there's anything else that should be tagged please let me know ! this hasnt been checked properly if theres any mistakes please point them out</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>he felt raw.</p><p>skin open and bleeding.</p><p>again.</p><p>the same as always.</p><p>how he longed to stop.</p><p>to lay still without his skin crawling.</p><p>but no.</p><p>his skin still bleeds.</p><p>-</p><p>there were times where hyunjin could handle it and times he simply could not. his eczema had a whole list of triggers: allergens from food or soap, sweat, pollen, mould, cold or dry weather. he got lucky, he felt, as his flare ups could often be hidden under his clothes (100% cotton, of course, anything else would likely aggravate the condition), but sometimes it would snake out from under his t-shirt, sneaking up his neck, onto his face, even his hands if he was particularly stressed. </p><p>stress was the worst trigger, hyunjin found, ironic for the career he was in. deadlines, demands, late nights, questionable food choices all added to the idol lifestyle. stress would cause a nervous sweat, and sweat would make his skin stick and rub, causing blisters and rashes to appear. </p><p>hyunjin often found himself in meetings, the recording booth, the practice room, picking at scabs, attempting to keep himself cool to stop the nervous sweating that would irritate his skin. when he was out in public, hyunjin tried his absolute hardest to hide his condition, desperate to appear normal. he was no stranger to people staring and stepping away from him, dropping his hand in case he was contagious. </p><p>the worst, hyunjin felt, was when his eczema flared up so bad, it affected his job. when he got pulled from photoshoots or performances because the company didn't want people to see him in that state. didn't want their image to be tarnished by imperfections completely out of the boy's control. nothing crushed hyunjin more than this, and he would cry as he watched his group perform, laughing with fans at fanmeets, because who would want to hold his hand? he was lucky he got as far as he did without the company finding out about his condition, hyunjin thinks. because otherwise he most likely wouldn't have been allowed to debut. he guesses it makes sense, who wants an imperfect idol? and imperfections you can visibly see? no chance.</p><p>sometimes his skin would itch so bad he could feel his muscles contracting, desperate to be scratched and relieved. and for not even 5 seconds after, his skin was. but then it would itch even worse, desperate for relief, and so hyunjin would scratch. he would scratch and scratch and scratchscratchscratch until he skin was pooling, blood seeping into his shirt. he tried hard to stick to dark colours so the blood never showed and it was less of a pain in the ass to wash. hyunjin would wake up in the morning to find his pillowcase and sometimes his sheets covered in pinpricks of blood, from where he had scratched in the night. completely out of his control, something he had no chance of stopping, but the evidence was clear as day.</p><p>-</p><p>showers at the end of the day were both a blessing and a curse. peeling back layers of clothes and makeup, washing off the sweat and dirt of the day's activities down the drain, and rebuilding again with all the creams and concoctions prescribed by his doctor. </p><p>on the other hand, the water pressure and heat could easily aggravate hyunjin's skin, causing him to scratch and claw at his skin for relief. this would make showers a much longer ordeal than it needed to be, hyunjin frequently not getting out until one of the other members is banging on the door shouting for him for their turn. </p><p>wrapped in a towel, hyunjin shuffled back to his room to get ready for bed. the room was empty when he arrived, most of the other members out in the living room or kitchen, attempting to muster up the energy to get ready to sleep. hyunjin grabbed his cream and sat down on his bed, squeezing a thick amount out. he hissed as he smeared the cream into his shoulders and chest, the open wounds from his shower protesting against it. he pulled his pyjamas on, and inspected his hands. a long scratch up on, a rash forming on the other, skin mixed with cream and blood under his nails. hyunjin wiped his hands on his towel, desperate for his hands to be clear. he tidied up, putting his towel out to dry, and looked in the mirror to do his skincare routine. hyunjin sighed, the rash that had been circling his right eye and had climbed its way down his face to his jaw and neck was easier to notice without makeup to hide it. even with makeup, it would flake and break up and appear extremely textured, but at least it wasn't red and pooling. hyunjin scrubbed his face products on, desperate not to pick and scratch but desperate for relief. he truly felt he had exhausted all there was on offer to help. all anyone could do was pull his hands away from his zoned out picking, offer a distraction from his blistering skin, remind him to get cream when he went out or accompany him to doctors appointments during times it would get so bad, hyunjin couldn't get himself to leave his room. the members helped as much as they could, but the only person who could fight it was hyunjin. hyunjin would do anything for soft, smooth, silky skin, skin that didn't make people look at him with pity, skin that didn't keep him up at night in pain, skin that didn't lock him into his bed when he felt so ugly he couldn't bare the risk of anyone even looking at him. </p><p>what people often glazed over was the fact eczema was chronic, it could be helped to the point it was almost non existent, but it could always flare up if hyunjin came into contact with any of his triggers. and just like that, hyunjin would get stuck in that same cycle of relieving a scratch that would just hurt his skin even more. a never ending cycle. one hyunjin would do anything to escape.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading &lt;3</p><p>to anyone reading with any type of skin condition, you are still beautiful and still worthy of self love and i hope you find that &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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